Day 22

Today is Day 22 on the SCD diet. Good until right about now because I'm hungry and all there is is fruit. I should have had some nuts or eggs or something. Too much fruit today!

Wes made some popcorn and asked me if I wanted some and of course I said, "No" but it smells so good. Cravings for everything else are zilch so I don't understand why I felt lured. I can look at bread, even when I am starving and not flinch...but popcorn. I think it was more the smell of the oil and salt that got me.

Tomorrow is New Years Day and I am excited about what the new year will bring. This is something that I can and will do and I am ready to make a change. I just have to keep thinking "What else would you be doing this year?"--other than changing your life...and the answer of course is, "Nothing".

I'm a little disgusted with myself after cleaning out the car and files. It's been too long and some of my old habits have to change. I keep saying this but when life gets to be too hard or overwhelming, old ways are hard to break. Felt something like shame at first and then pride because I am handling a job that would have felled many people, running a household skillfully, working at a full-time high-powered job, and being #1 Mom. I was a perfectionist at all of those jobs and something had to give.

I wonder how it will be when Wes is gone. Some of the sloppiness was mine but really now Wes doesn't care. The closets are proof of this when he puts away things wrong and then says, "I'm sorry."

On the spending front, I didn't spend too much. $3.00 for two pairs of shoes on Ebay after I deducted my PayPal credit and $5.00 for a Subway sandwich for Wes. I am realizing that my compulsive spending is tied to wanting to make my life easier and to take care of business. The making life easier doesn't always pan out. As soon as I get a yogurt-maker, I realize I need more jars and a spoon with a thermometer at the bottom and a lunch bag to take to work every day. It never ends.  I also want to have things organized and nice. In the new year as well as diet, I am going to cut up those credit cards and deal with the feelings of wanting to take care of business. We can go without nice shampoos and creams and no one says we have to eat out. Doggie doesn't have to have a new toy or treat all of the time either. I am looking at screen doors, lunch bags, and thermometers and then this will be the end of it. I don't need a new floor this year and the tenant has a dishwasher and a fridge so she is set!